I drawed a picture

Since it’s the only thing I’ve ever drawn that is remotely interesting I’m gonna put it on here in case I ever lose the file (riiight). The layered bars on top of lines looks good even if you can’t draw!

Feel the fury of a lonely, bored, neurotic person.

No jokes in this one. Uh…something about gay porn and the internet being a series of tubes. Stir well and recite at parties.

The New Pornographers

Even in far less ideal circumstances, I’m not one to complain when great music blows through town. On the 21st our stupid little city of Madison Wisconsin will be blessed by super-awesome mostly Canadian almost-mainstream-breakthrough indie supergroup success story The New PERNAGRAPHATES! You know what that means: not-Canadian crook-o-tooth heartthrob Neko Case. That’s her real name!

The only real problem with this band is Dan Bejar. And sonic gaudiness. And their new album. And whoever is next to Neko and Carl here, looking for all the world like the most perfect girl/dude hybrid I’ve ever seen.

Seriously, fuck Dan Bejar.

How did they switch from all their slow songs sucking to the slow songs being the only songs that don’t suck? I don’t know, but I don’t think I like it.

SO THAT YOU DON’T READ THAT AND JUST GO PETE’S SUCH A FAG! STILL! God! AND LEAVE, BOLD CAPS HAVE BEEN FLOWN IN TO WARN YOU THAT THE WORLD’S SECOND GREATEST BAND, OKKERVIL RIVER WILL BE APPEARING ALONG WITH THE NEW PORKTOGRAPHOOLS AND MAY BE JOINED ON GUITARS BY

CHARLES FUCKING MEXICO

The best person currently alive on planet Earth and semi-frontman of the world’s FIRST greatest band, The Wrens. For those who don’t know what time it is, Charles is a conjurer of beauty almost too precious for the vulgar realm of human experience.

I should add that he’s hardly the only big deal here, or even the main draw. He’ll probably either be playing guitar humbly in the background and looking old, or not there at all.

The Pornographers are great, but Okkervil River is about fifty times better than they are. About fifty to sixty times better. If you don’t know who THAT band is, get to know them, and by all life’s beautiful mysteries don’t miss this tour. Unless you’ve got a problem with me. In that case come ready to throw bows.

Sell-out Vista Emoticons

If we’re ever having a conversation and you want to communicate minor disappointment or a bad mood, don’t use the standard size AIM frown face. It’s too sad!

I circled him for those of you who would deny your inalienable AIM heritage.

Take a second look. That isn’t the face of someone who has to walk to class in the rain, or just found out the Death Cab show was sold out. It’s the face of someone staring over a ledge.

hugz?

I imagine this guy as hard candy on a stick- Ed the Sucker, from Candyland. He’s lemon-flavored, so no one likes him. He’s just found out that for the tenth year in a row, he’s the only piece that will be excluded from the Lollipop Parade. He has no idea why and the other candies refuse to tell him.

For some reason every year he holds out hope that they’ll let him join in, and goes down to the parade office with a small tentative smile. But he gets the same word each time, and heads home amongst all the revelers and giddy candy people laughing and spraying each other with silly string while they set up their floats and practice their candy-cigarette twirling routines.

Later on that night he and his only friend, Steve the Riesen, are assigned to pick up the leftover wrappers and trash in the slanting rays of the Candyland sunset. They don’t say much.

His mind wanders to thoughts of the only one who ever loved him, Lucy Lipps the lip-shaped Valentine’s lolly that’s too big for most mouths

As you can see, Lucy had a rare case of the mucus worms and died young, leaving Ed alone…only a day after they’d announced their engagement to their parents. Now Ed is alone forever.

That’s how sad it is!

And then so what is THIS shit?

Thanks for nothing, Vista. We’ve got the murdering heart-devouring Spencer on the top left, his trenchcoat wearing “self-employed” brother Phil who still makes up Canadian girlfriends at 25 to his immediate right, and let’s not forget support-our-troops there in the bottom left. What are you all camo’d up for, the war on software piracy? And is that a fucking BERET on your head? ARE YOU A FRENCH G.I. JOE? FUCK OFF!

Look at their version of “sad.”

If my own child looked like this I’d kick it in the head. It’s like a surreal plasticine morphine junkie freaking out, begging your little sister for money at a bus-stop. It elicits contempt instead of sympathy. Is America really watching THIS MANY Pixar movies? It’s a wandering, unemployed computer-generated loser who tells lies about having been an extra in Toy Story and then cries when girls at bars shut him down.

Otherwise I like Vista. I like the little neon clock you get. I’m back to paper-writing though.