Scarlett Johansson
J-a-n-e-a-n-e G-a-r-o-f-a-l-o
She’s aged very well, hasn’t she? However self-righteous she might get on her radio show, she still has that wiseass charm. Not as cute as when she was on Space Ghost, but still.
There’s this other girl who hasn’t so much aged gracefully as lived gracefully through her youth and into young adulthood. She is one of those actresses whose delivery suggests she must be at least slightly cool when her lines aren’t written for her. And physically, well.
Even candid and unposed, in form she’s clearly the best selection for our generation’s Perfect Woman.
Unfortunately, she stands on the cusp of a brutal (and unnecessary) test of charisma and relevance: an album! Of sung songs! Sung by a singer. Which is um, her! Why? I don’t know, why did Zooey do it?
Why did Paris Hilton do it? Because she’s soul-dead. But surely this isn’t just a ploy fo’ dollas. Scarlett’s way too pretty to do anything less than honorable.
I’m wandering pretty far here. All this to get to the fact that she’s covering one of my first favorite songs, Tom Waits’ “Anywhere I Lay My Head”
I’ll be damned if I’m going to go on trying to be funny. Instead I’ll give you the straight story:
This song is way too pure and glorious and brutal to be done justice by some hip young know-it-all wannabe chanteuse.
And it’s not just the song, it’s the title of her album! This kind of thing weighs on my mind.
I don’t need anybody
Because I’ve learned
I’ve learned to be alone
Scarlett, you haven’t learned shit about being alone. I can’t off the head come up with anyone who is LESS alone than you are. A song like this is all about pure, visceral, unadulterated sincerity. And poor Scarlett trying to sell a line like
“(S)he left in my sleep boys, I can feel it in my bones”
might be cute, but it couldn’t be sincere. And Tom Waits isn’t cute. Alright, when he tells stories and jokes during a set and comes off all insecure and nervous he’s pretty cute. Sigh.
God damn this rain.
