I’ve decided not to settle.

I’m searching for a summer job. I’m only doing this now, because I mostly do everything the wrong way.

The ridiculousness that’s about to begin will seem like it doesn’t pertain to the above, but it does!

Good tidings to all Ella’s customers. Wait – you there! Are you really enjoying eating off the kids’ menu at age TWENTY-TWO, ASSHOLE?

What you see above is the late Captain America riding a device that seems to be a combination of three things:

Old-fashioned monoplane -

Thank me for the guns.

Magical, mystical, alien-homeworld-bound rocketship:

*ahem*

Star-nosed mole

Anyway, the resulting monster patrols the ceiling, along with about a thousand other rainbow-hued paper-mache characters/badly-painted strange objects at the Madison restaurant everyone loves for distracting you from the food: Ella’s Deli!

I don’t want to work at the actual restaurant. You thought too soon. If you’d given the question any real consideration, you’d know that I of course want to design new novelty tables!

There are tiny trains inside the table.

Maybe a “famine” oriented table, with lots of harrowing starvation pictures under the glass. Challenging.

Or maybe uh. Exotic firearms. And little speakers in the table legs will play Guess Who’s “Guns Guns Guns.” For the kids.

NOT THAT FUNNY!